Evening Rain

Sunday evening after a full day.  It's raining.  I love the rain at day's end.  It's like Mother Nature is telling me it is time to slow down and enjoy the rest of the day.  I can't do anything outside, the house may not be clean but it is bearable, the earlier part of the day was great--so sit back and relax.  Reflect.  Maybe write something in my blog spot.

See, I'm different than most people.  I love it when the weather outside gives me permission to stay inside.  Don't get me wrong, I love being outside, love the changing of the seasons, I especially love fall.  But there are always things that have to be done outside!  Water the flowers, weed the flower and vegetable beds, mow the yard, sweep off the porch....  And that's besides all the things that still need to be done INside.  The days are longer too so I feel guilty if I'm not using that extra time to DO something.

We have a beautiful porch.  It gives me great delight to sit on it and enjoy the day settling down.  I sit there for a full 5 minutes before I start thinking of all that still needs to be done.  Why is that?  Why do I feel like i HAVE to do anything?  Mostly because we do need to eat, we do need clean clothes, we do need to pay bills.  But even when those things are done, that little voice keeps saying, "But THIS isn't done and THAT isn't done."  I'm not sure who that little voice belongs to but I wish it would go away!

I have less than two years until I can retire.  Make no mistake, I am retiring.  So I wonder if things will change--if I will feel different.  I can pretty much answer that right now.  NO!  I have so many things I want to do when I retire; write more, paint more, travel, spend time with my family.  Recently I had to take time off from work because of my back.  I was not allowed to do much of anything.  But it was nice to pick up the house, do dishes and wash clothes with the idea that if it didn't get done that day, there was always tomorrow.  Plus, I had permission not to do anything,

Maybe that's what I need.  A letter of permission that excludes me from feeling guilty if I'm not working all the time.  That gives me permission to do what I want for awhile no matter how much needs to be done.  If anyone knows who that might be, let me know!  (Yeah, I know.  That person is me).